Musings Of A Philomath

Put down your head. Just for a minute, what harm can it do? Let those fragile butterfly wing lashes flutter shut for a few moments of some semblance of peace, the world shut out beyond those tissues of skin that seem to be all you need to keep it all away, shut it out. Sink down, pen slipping from those fingers, to roll away into some crevice, foot leaning against the wall, head curled into the nook of an arm.  No protests now, just uncurl your hands and let out all that tension, that’s right, relax out your arms and your back, ignore the pain there and let it drain away…

No, no, you worry far too much, it will all be fine. You can deal with it all later, it’s nothing that can’t wait. Just forget the world, shh let your bobbing head rest, you can let yourself go now…

The trees, you said, remember the trees, and when all is lost, look to them to remind you. And I do. Even more than animals, it’s always been the trees for me, hasn’t it, they are companions in silence with gently waving leaves that become comforting.

Shh. Pay attention, they might be trying to tell you something. Pouring into you waves, of patience in the wake of time as spindles spin and orbs crawl across the sky, of strength, tired arms laden with wood holding up unwavering, constant, with the suppleness to bend with the winds, and stubbornness, as roots sink in deep and refuse to let go, slender fingers finding their way deep into the soil and holding on.

When I realized this- when I told you this- you smiled. Yes, you said, because you are like them, and they are like you, you speak in calmness and find the same comfort in silence, of choosing to speak with something akin telepathy, immersing your surroundings with your feelings rather than saying them.

I didn’t forget, and I wonder how true this is. But of course, you smile again, because we both know I know this to be of complete truth, and after our quiet exchange I muse how perhaps it isn’t such an absurd idea that I will find myself living away my life hidden among the trees, finally left alone and yet, always surrounded. In peace.

(This Makes No Sense Because You Cannot See)

Icicles hang down creating deep
Notches for your fingers to play

Apologetic tears freeze in place
Numb with feeling, slipping,
Dropping down like stalactites

Over many layers collected
Under the calm demeanour
To imprison your eyelashes

When people lie- or are doing something they shouldn’t be- they undergo feelings of extreme guilt as well as hyper alert senses and think that everyone is looking, thinking, judging them (especially when they’re doing things they shouldn’t). So then they will find a need to validate themselves, and this is why lies becomes complicated, you make yourself fabricate a lie to explain the first one, and so on and so forth. If you ask someone doing something that looks innocent what they’re doing and they shouldn’t be, and they know this, they will laugh nervously and explain themselves a bit too much. Or not really explain what they’re doing but why they are, to validate why they are in the first place. (“There really is a good reason I’m doing this! Really!”) If they’re just going about their day doing normal stuff they might just blink at you, surprised and go “what”. Or just tell you.

There’s just a buzz
numb static, trickle
of half-frozen water drops
behind puffed eyes
where hours of sleep do little to
ease the tiredness and I’m
pretty sure I shouldn’t always
be this tired.

There is no other way
to describe her but
as a weed
between concrete slabs
growing unwanted, resilient
under the glare of the sun
defying norms and cheekily
staying put
where others had been crushed,　
deep roots stubbornly set into
the ground.

Why do people hate weeds so?
Because they exist without
permission, uncontrolled?
They have mastered all survival
skill save that for
growing in rows and are but
unloved flowers.

To my hijabi sisters

Steel yourself: summer is coming and with it, variations of the repeated question, “aren’t you hot in that?”

Things I’m told by extremely amused Chinese teachers in class.

People love saying “你好!” (ni hao), but what most people don’t know is that it is not exactly “hello”. It’s actually more a formal greeting. Like “greetings” or “salutations” or something, and used on formal occasions, or said to elders.

Most Chinese people greet each other by asking each other if they’ve eaten yet.　

When you idolize people, you’re hurting them, because you hold them to standards they cannot ever possibly reach, because it is simply impossible. No one can be that perfect. That doesn’t mean they aren’t amazing people- they may very well be so, but it does well to remember that all people have their flaws and weaknesses. They have flaws, but those flaws can build character. So do not deny people their flaws. It may be necessary in eventually making them better.

But idolizing people hurts you, too, because eventually you will either blind yourself to people’s shortcomings and mistakes, or you will see them and be utterly crushed. Idolizing people only sets yourself up for disaster in the end.

It is something I have noted with a lot of people in relationships right, they choose to blind themselves to each others flaws, and it will only hurt you. You’re not supposed to pretend it doesn’t exist. They do. You just accept it and learn to work with it and/or improve on it, give and take. That is what it means to accept people for who they are.